Some of Kramer's best lines...

"Giddyup"

"I'm useless Jerry!"

"Yo-yo-ma!"

"Wrong, Mujumbo"

"I'm like ice baby.... when I don't like you, you've got trouble!"

"You're on cowboy!" (This was on the episode when Kramer was betting on flights at the airport.)

"Hey Buddy"

"You're Sick"

"Kenny never hurt anybody"

When told the Cadillac he was driving had the Northstar system he replied, "I don't use it."

"...or am I SO sane that you just blew your mind?!"

"But what am I gonna do for fruit?!"

"Look away, I'm hideous!"

"Kramer (Referring to the activities of his video bootlegging friend): "It's a legitimate business."
Jerry: "It's not legitimate!"
Kramer: "It's a business."

"Ya, ya."

"Mamacita"

"Sweet justice!"

"Lets go"

"Yo diggity dog!"

"These pretzels are making me thirsty"

"I'm a man among boys"

"I'm out there, Jerry...I'm really out there!"

"He's rippin' me off!"

"She's got the Jimmy legs!"

"My boys can't swim!"

"Kenny? ...Kenny?"

Jerry: "Cockfighting? That's illegal!"

Kramer: "Only in America."

"Yippie Yi Yeah"

"Right now there are six hundred Titlists that I got at the driving range in the trunk of my car. Why don't we drive out to Rockaway and hit them [very over excited] into the ocean?! Now picture this: We find a nice sweet spot between the dunes, we take out our drivers, we tee up and [makes a golf stroke], that ball goes sailing up into the sky holds there for a moment and then . . . gueeleep!"

"I'm gonna surround myself with wood! Wood, Jerry...wood!"

"Job? I've never had a job," he *muses.*

"I coulda' been a millionaire, Jerry! I coulda' been a FRAGRANCE millionaire!"

"I got the Jimmy arm!"

"I'm not a pimp!"

"I'm dangerous Jerry!"(when Kramer has the lure of the animals)

"She needs a little Kramer."
Jerry: "THEN, she'll need a little SHOT OF penicillin"

"TCB Jerry,yup I'm taking care of business"

"Yo mama foo"

"I'm afraid of the Clowns!"

"Please Jerry, I need that chicken!"

"Jerry, they are not midgets, they are little people!"

"Look at me, am I beautiful?"

"Jerry, I know myself. When I'm out there, and it starts to go down, I'm not gonna back down 'til it's over."

Kramer to George when George gets women's glasses: "May I have one of those, madam?"

"That looked like milk to me"

When they found out his name was Cosmo, he replied "Alright, the cat is meeoooow out of the bag!"

"I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Ass Man"

"You better believe it, buddy!"

"I'm going through this stuff like water"(while he's drinking water)

"My rods and cones are all screwed up!"

"I'm burned out, Jerry... burned out!"

"Stick a fork in me Jerry, I'm done!!"

"Eveningwear, swimsuit, talent, POISE!!!"

"My little Jerry"

"God!...help us!"

"My face is my livelihood"

"Beef o' reno, I'm so keen o' - on Beef 'o Reno - what a delicious cuisine o' - Fit for king and queen o' - Yeah, eat up - I've got 34 more cans."

"Without rules, Jerry, there's chaos."

"Wo, wo Gingga"

"It's no picnic !!"

"Kavorka"

"Ah c'mon, help a brother out". Trying to get Jerry to bring back some Cubans from Florida

"Once those gorillas accept you...you've got it made in the shade..ccc"

"Bad chicken... mess you up"

"Let's go"

"It's was like a flabby-armed spanking machine" Kramer complaining to Jerry, referring to the geriatrics in the pool while trying to swim laps.

"I am telling you Jerry I saw a half-man, half pig!!!"

"I'm looking right at you, big daddy"

"You blew it, boy!!"

"Oh, I'm the real deal" (when asked about his golf game)

"Sweet Maria"

"It's not illegal" "It's against the law," Jerry replies. "Well, yeah."
Trying to convince Jerry to get illegal cable installed.

"My boys need a house."

"Understudies, now they're a shifty bunch. The substitute teachers of the theatre world."

"I'm gonna drop dead!!"

"When they pull out that needle, I let the expletives fly!"

(referring to George) "He's a sweet kid"

"Yeah...I'm Batman" to George- talking about driving bus

"It's pronounced: thermometer "

"Poor Lily" - referring to Susan after she died

"Pam. Pam. Paaammmm." (talking to Jerry about Jerry's girlfriend, who Jerry doesn't like, but Kramer does.)

"Not Bloody Likely!" (in bad English accent)

"I've got to get my core temperature up" (after sleeping in the hot tub with the broken heater)

"Up here, I'm already there!(When Kramer goes to California)"

"Do you have any cafe lattes"

"Oh, I AM Kramer!" Referring to fake Kramer on pilot

"That television you watch, the sake you drink, even that kimono you wear...where do you think all your dollars are going, Jerry? That's right ... the Japanese!"

"Well... this is some 'risky business!" (while girl kisses his neck)

"Oh I've been known to drink a beer or two. 'Course I've been known to do a lot more than that!"

(to coke addict at bar) "Oh I'm hip... to the whole scene man!"

"When you're on my set... you clean it up, mister!"

"That's Kooky Talk!!"

"You stupid, stubborn , silly man"

"My guys are flowing Jerry."

"He's a reasonable man Jerry, but he's insane!"

"Ah come on Jerry, I'm begg'n ya!"

"It's Macaroni Middler"

Kramer in a sauna "It's like a sauna in here"

"Come on Jerry, I'm beggin' ya!"

"Two cafe latte supremos"

"The game of world domination"

"I guess I got confused"....said really fast, referring to a recipe that he screwed up.

"I STINK !!" (when he admitted that he stink in golf)

"It's a Festivus miracle."

"I wish I won't drop dead."

"The one from the Hennigan's"

"You're as pretty as any of them. You just need a nose job." (to Georges big-nosed girlfriend)

"The oranges are dry; the apples are mealy; and the papayas... I don't know what's going on with the papayas!"

"Machu Picchu" (after tasting chip at Mayan clothes store)

"Y-y-you stink!" (after watching Elaine's dancing)

"A real bru-ha-ha"

"Listen to the bells Grosbard, they toll for thee!"

"Vanda-what industries??.....no, no, you're way, way off!"

"Oh... I really think you're wrong"

"Bran...One hundred percent, I got a big problem"

"The beach!!!!!!!!"

"I missed my chance" (To go to the toilet)

"Well, there was an incident"

"I broke the covenant of the keys"

"Oh, I'm familiar!"

"Flinty !!"

"That's quite a honk, you should get some vitamin C, with Rose hips and Ribo-bioflavanoids!"

"Yeah, that's right."

"Little Jerry was born to cock fight! "

"Why does Radio Shack ask for your phone number when you buy batteries ... I don't know!!"

"Pinkus...... poor little Pinkus" ( Kramer referring to the murdered dry cleaner)

"The bus is ... out of control"

"Is the verdict in?" referring to the fat free frozen yogurt.

"It's a nipple."

"Just what i thought, they're dominicans!"

"You're an anti-dentite."

"Welcome to Anytown USA" (when Kramer sets up a porch atmosphere in front of his apartment)

"Jerry, these are load bearing walls, they're not coming down"

"Dubanowitz"

"Now I'm driving the Bus!" ( Kramer after taking over for passed out driver while bringing severed toy to hospital)

"I'm out there, Jerry.... and I'm lovin' every minute of it."

"Watch out, boy!"

"Oh, I get by!"

"I like to help the humans." (after Jerry accuses him of being a Pod)

"I punched Mickey Mantle!"

"Mother nature is a MAD scientist"

"Just because big Jerry is a has been doesn't make little Jerry a never was"

Kramer: "It's a write off Jerry, they just write it off."
Jerry: "You don't even know what a right off is, do you?"
Kramer: "But they do, and they're the one's writing it off"
Jerry: "I wish I had the last 20 seconds of my life back"

"Ohhhh Mama! "

"Ohhh yyyyyeeahhhh"

"He gives me the stink eye! So I give him the crook eye!"

"Then I scream out...I'm hit!!" (magic lugie episode)

12 years earlier...
Jerry: "What's mine is yours."
The K man: "Really?"

"I'm lovin' it Jer'!"

"Occupado!" (From the episode where Kramer faces gangsters in a pizza parlor, backed up against the door, gives the eight finger sign while holding a condiment shaker)